Wow, I just got off a Face Book page I manage for a company and found a posting that was disturbing to say the least. I could not help but ask why do people have a need to support low standards when it comes to their choice of words?
Some researchers say ‘people think emotional pain can be healed by swearing’.
I disagree. I think it only adds to the pain and it reinforces the pain.
By becoming angry when people say or do something to us that is offensive or hurtful does not make the situation better. When you raise your voice, your blood pressure goes up, you find yourself acting like the aggressor and you may even resort to spewing your own colorful metaphors or act out violently leading to a physical altercation.
Give this a try
The next time you feel insulted or someone physically causes you pain, ask yourself, what is going on in the aggressors head? Why are they trying to cause you pain? What is the source of THEIR pain? What is the source of their emotional and psychological instability?
Are they doing this because there is a chemical imbalance? Are they are a masochist? Are they part of a secret government program or secret fraternal organization that likes to set people up and pull pranks on them, in an attempt to publicly discredit their victims? (they exist!)
Once we begin to look at these questions we might see the aggressor in a different light. Example, someone calls you a racial slur or some other offensive word is obviously suffering from a form of pain that directly related to one or more of the subject categories in this paragraph.
Right away we should recognize this individual lacks self-control. They may be suffering from a severe case of low self-esteem, poor self-image, false since of pride, delusion, or any number of other things going on in their life.
Look at their dress and grooming. Is their hair combed? Did they take a bath? Did they brush their teeth? Do they smell like smoke or alcohol?
All of these could be clues to what is going on in their life.
Even if they are wearing a suit and tie, or clean jeans and tennis shoes they could still be suffering from emotional pain. So do not be quick to respond to them in a negative way. Be discerning!
There may be jealousy or envy behind their attack.
What is the difference? Jealousy is when someone wants what you have but they don’t mind that you have it. Envy is when they want what you have but because they cannot have it, they do not want you to have it.
Either one can cause them to behave childish or hateful or spiteful!
But we can all agree that THEY are in pain and that is why they act out against others. They obviously lack good character. Many have no sense of morality, virtue, or ethics. They practice their bad behavior daily and associate with individuals who do the same. So what do the friends you keep, say about YOUR character!
An ethical or moral person does not verbally or physically attack another individual….period! A healthy mind does NOT attack people, it does not torture people, and it has no need to go out of the way to mistreat or be verbally abusive toward others.
So when look at insults from a different perspective we begin to see the individual as a person in need of help. They have been victimized by their own lies, their own life style, their own bad choices, their own misconceptions, their own prejudices, and biases and even their own associations. In other words they are in some form of emotional or psychological pain which has blinded their better judgement. In a nutshell they are delusional and need psychological help.
So ask them what can YOU do to help them ease their pain? Then watch their reaction! Do it with mildness, do with self-control and for love of goodness avoid the colorful metaphors!
Steve Brown is the CEO of Universityofbandz and writes blogs about the importance of developing and maintaining good character and how it can have a positive influence toward a students attitudes about their education and life in general.
It is important to note Good People can do bad things and Bad People can do good things, the difference is frequency. People of Good Character DO NOT continue to practice their mistakes, while people with BAD CHARACTER practice their vices daily.
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Steve Brown MS, CEO